NEW YEAR SUPER SEX. Sex-pert Dr. Stephanie Buehler reveals ten tips for a better sex life in the New Year
We have all seen the lists of well-intentioned resolutions: vows to lose weight, save money, exercise more and so on. But what about your sex life? Sexual desire and pleasure don’t just improve on their own. You need to put time and effort into having a great sex life, just as you might put time and effort into throwing a lively party or planning a special weekend getaway.
“If there’s something about your sex life that hasn’t been working for you, speak up!”
With that in mind—and from a decade’s experience observing couples in sex therapy practice—here are my top ten tips for a better sex life in the new year:
I realize that it doesn’t sound romantic, but consider this: If you plan to see a concert with your partner, it doesn’t make the event any less exciting. Therefore, if you have trouble fitting sex into your life, put it into the calendar.
is is a way to build anticipation so when you have sex on the scheduled day and time, it comes from a place of connection and fun. Say naughty things, leave a sexy sweet note by the breakfast plate or compliment your partner’s best features or qualities to build enjoyable anticipation.
This seems to be a lost art. Many people get right to having sex early in relationships. For when you’re not going to have sex, why not have a kissing session that leads to a long, satisfying hug and a good night’s sleep? You will leave your partner wanting more, and that can only be a good thing!
MIX IT UP
I am always amazed at how many people really do have sex in the same way, in the same place, every single time. Resolve to have sex in another room of the house, to try a new position, or to switch up the usual order you do things in. You don’t have to get crazy, just don’t make your sex life like a perpetual rerun.
If there’s something about your sex life that hasn’t been working for you, speak up! If your partner is telling you something about your sex life, listen. Believe your partner if he or she says they are bored. If you are the one who is bored, say something. You can’t expect things to get better on their own. Plus, no one can read your mind!
UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN BODY
It’s okay to explore your own body so that you can tell your partner what you like best. It will also let you know how your body works.
Too many people use the amount of natural lubrication produced by their partner as an indicator of the level of attraction—that doesn’t work. Why? Because all kinds of things, from hormonal change, to stress, to medications can make lubrication production iffy. So grab that tube or bottle and use it to make sex more comfortable for both of you.
When you find yourself stating, “I’m just too tired for sex!” then get some rest. Your body cannot renew its energy without a minimum of six hours of consolidated sleep every night—and seven or eight hours of sleep are the optimum.
A diet of junk food will sap your health. Choose to eat fruits, vegetables, complex carbohydrates and lean protein whenever possible and see your sexual energy rebound.
The research proves that it’s true: People who are fit have fewer problems with sex. Currently the suggestion is to get a minimum of a 30-minute walk daily. You don’t have to be a Greek god or goddess, you just have to have pep and stamina to stay sexually healthy.
Now look over the list and choose one or two things to start work on—things that you believe will bring the biggest change in your sex life. Select a target date, say a month or two, to check in and see how you are doing. By doing this, you’ll soon find the perfect combination that will make sex infinitely better for you and your partner in the New Year!
Dr. Stephanie Buehler is a psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the author of “What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know about Sex” and “Sex, Love, and Mental Illness: A Couple’s Guide to Staying Connected”
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