What do you do after a bitter break-up and now you find yourself on the single scene once again?
By Jeffy Rhyder
Where should you start again? How can you start meeting people once more? Are you adept at approaching sexy people? Sometimes, it my look like the whole dating scene has radically changed and passed you by since the last time you were single—especially if you were in a really heavy, long-term relationship. Your favorite old singles clubs are now totally different and not your scene anymore. And … you are a bit older and wiser, not into some of the same things you were before. Most newly single fellows think they need to get back “on the market” in the single scene, but it’s been a long time since they were regularly flirty with single ladies, girls and that which previously came naturally, now feels very uncomfortable. If you haven’t been on the scene for a couple years, you need to become re-acclimated. Here is my personal guide to enabling you to suavely join the single scene again and start attracting more women.
It all starts with your attitude. You have to decide. I can give you all kinds of dating advice, but it will not do you one bit of good until you make the decision that you want to get this part of your life under control. So you have a choice: You can do nothing and go nowhere and end up surfing the Internet for “entertainment” every night, or you can make a decision to start dating attractive, cool ladies. When you were in your just-finished, long-term relationship, things were logical and you could understand them even if the situation was really bad between the two of you. Now, a lot of things may not make sense and that can make you feel uneasy, nervous about the future. What if I end up being single and alone for the rest of my life? Chill, bro, there is always some kind of partner out there for you, even if that sounds clichéd. You need to understand that these sorts of feelings are normal, but they are also temporary and will pass, that is, if you make the decision to change your attitude. Change it starting today, after work, just go out to a club, with or without your mates, grab a drink or two and start talking to people, guys, girls, whoever. Just be cool, make jokes, drink your drink and have fun. People will see that you have a good attitude. Even if that’s not the real “you,” it does not particularly matter. Just learning how to be that is changing you and making it part of “you.”
New clothes, new hair
Perhaps you were already a smooth dresser. In my experience, however, most men who have been out of the dating/singles scene for a while sort of lose their fashionable edge. And, of course, the trends and styles have changed since you were on the scene, even if it was just a year or two ago. So after your attitude change and a couple of dates with rebounding partners, it’s time to give yourself a makeover. That means some hip new clothes, a new hairdo, maybe even trade in your old Daihatsu for a flashy chick-magnet ‘merc’ or ‘beamer.’
Become a chatty flirt
One of the things about being in a committed relationship is that you really need to watch your step when talking to other women—lest somehow your girlfriend or fiancée hears about you flirting with a co-worker or the waitress at your local lunch spot near the office. Well that is all done. You are a free man, bro! Flirt your buttocks off to your heart’s content. Actually, even if you are not feeling up to it, just do it, and keep doing it. It’s sort of like a hotshot, long-range shooter in basketball. Sometimes they go into slumps, and the only way out of such slumps is to keep shooting. Eventually, it will come back and the slump will be over. In fact, this goes for more than mere flirting, it’s also the key to getting hot dates. Make extra efforts to approach more ladies and expand your social circle. You have to start getting out and socializing more with ladies, as well as more guys. Other guys, remember, all have gal pals, sisters and cousins. When you get introduced to one of them by a good guy—someone she already trusts—you already have one foot in the door. However, when I say expand your social circle, I don’t necessarily mean add “friends” to your Facebook page. In my experience, women who try to date and meet people via computers are usually a bit sketchy and often have some unwanted baggage, literally and figuratively (beware the Photoshopped avatars).
They are best to avoid if you are on the rebound, there is just too much baggage going on. However, there are times when you both mutually understand that and you both just need a “release.” In that case, a very, very short-term date with a rebound girl (say, just one night, or a weekend) is probably okay if you’re both up for it. But for the long term, you are going to need (and so is that girl, eventually) someone more stable to deal with your recently acquired baggage.
Get fit again
Often when you are in a long-term relationship, you let your body go a bit. Now is the time to not only get a makeover of clothes, hair, car, etc, but also time to hit the gym, or the track, and start getting fit. This, in my experience, actually has a double-whammy effect on your attractiveness. First, and most obvious, is that your muscles start rippling and you look healthier and buff. Secondly, you gain confidence in yourself and whether you or your guy friends recognize it or not, women do intuitively sense your extra confidence. And very few things are more attractive to women than a confident dude with a bit of swagger. Add in a bit of humor and you are rocking.
Laugh and make ’em laugh
When in long-term relationships, you sort of lose the edge on your humor quotient sometimes. You may not have ever had the best sense of humor, may only know some locker-room jokes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t brush up. Look, guys, making a woman laugh is sooooo, soooooo huge I can’t stress enough how important this is. If you don’t have a natural ability to do it, you need to buckle down, learn some jokes, practice your delivery in the mirror and generally think of witty comebacks during the course of a normal conversation. Don’t be afraid to toss in some self-deprecating humor as most smart women appreciate a humble, witty guy. Practice this while watching a dialogue-heavy TV show or movie. Think about witty rejoinders that you’d say to make people chuckle. If you can pull off a couple witticisms that are somewhat suggestive (of sex or kissing or whatever), all the better—because you just made her happy and horny all in one go. DA
From the June/July 2010 issue of DA MAN
Photo: Cliff Lipson/CBS; 2008 CBS Broadcasting Inc.
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